


Sneak Attack

by Rydyr



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Blood, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Rainbow Drinker Shenanigans, The author has an unhealthy fixation on the terribleness of Adam Sandler
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-13
Updated: 2014-06-13
Packaged: 2018-02-04 11:28:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1777432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rydyr/pseuds/Rydyr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Karkat picked the wrong (or maybe the right) person to accidentally rant to.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sneak Attack

**Author's Note:**

> I saw this comic (http://yummytomatoes.tumblr.com/post/20316665654) on tumblr and felt inspired to write a story about it. I do not own Homestuck, nor the comic that this is based off of.

Human Adam Sandler can in no way compare to Troll Adam Sandler.

After weeks of Karkat being locked in his respiteblock and marathoning every Adam Sandler movie made in both universes, he had come to the completely scientific and not at all utterly baseless conclusion that Troll Adam Sandler had retained refined senses of humor and culture that the human Adam Sandler simply couldn’t hope to match. It couldn’t possibly have anything to do with the fact that Karkat’s understanding of human culture was sketchy at best and nonexistent in most places. No, not at all. When it comes to mediocre actors, Troll Adam Sandler is simply the best mediocre Adam Sandler there is.

Of course, spending nearly two perigees in the same room with nothing but hastily alchemized snacks isn’t exactly the healthiest way to pass the time. As the final credits rolled on the last film, Karkat rubbed his eyes. How long had it been since he had seen Dave’s smug face, or Terezi’s wicked grin? In any case, he needed to tell off Strider for daring to insinuate that anything from his pathetic planet could be superior to Alternian craft.

Karkat stumbled out of his respiteblock, hissing softly at the fluorescent lights that lit the grey hallway. Nothing had really changed in the section of the meteor the survivors had portioned off for the dormitory. The same grey doors in grey walls with grey floors and grey ceilings. How very exciting. His nose wrinkled in disgust as the smell of unwashed troll and stale grubsauce washed over him. After a quick investigation, Karkat was embarrassed to find that the stench was coming from him. He decided to make quick use of the ablutionblock before going off for his rant against Strider. After all, he had to be looking and feeling his best to get his totally salient point across.

One quick shower later and Karkat was on his way to the computer lab-turned-common room. After navigating the empty halls, he found a transportalizer that could take him to his destination. He inhaled, ready to begin his ranting, and transportalized.

“STRIDER, I’VE GOT A BONE TO PICK WITH YOU AND YOUR FUCKING ABOMINATION OF AN ADAM SANDLER. AND NO, FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS UNDER THE GREEN SUN, THAT WAS NOT A GODDAMN-” His rant, already in full swing, was cut short as he realized that nobody was there to listen. He couldn’t believe it. There had always been someone there when he wanted to rant. Which was admittedly very often, but that wasn’t the point. Even if they weren’t listening, someone was always there. Until now, right when Karkat really needed someone to listen to his rant on a terrible actor from another universe.

Well. That stole all the wind from his metaphorical wind propulsion cloth. Karkat dejectedly slumped into one of the many chairs he had taken to keeping captchalogued. Since he hadn’t kept anything useful in his shitty sylladex before or during Sgrub, after would have to do. He was contemplating a cup of the godawful substance the humans called “coffee” when the transportalizer began whirring into action.

Karkat immediately leapt up, the chair spinning away in his haste. H was already formulating the words to start off his blistering salvo of hatred for human films, humans, and Dave Strider in particular. It never crossed his mind that someone other than Dave could be coming through the transportalizer. So, of course, as the flash of light fades from the sudden transfer of matter from one area to another, his mouth was already in full motion.

“YOU BETTER LISTEN TO ME THIS TIME, STRIDER, BECAUSE I DO NOT FEEL ANYWHERE NEAR CHARITABLE ENOUGH TO REPEAT SUCH OBVIOUS BULLSHIT TO YOUR AWFUL MUG AGAIN. AFTER SPENDING FAR, FAR TOO MUCH TIME FROM MY VALUABLE AND BUSY SCHEDULE TO COMPARE ADAM SANDLERS, IT’S PATENTLY GODDAMN OBVIOUS THAT-”

A quiet voice cuts through his explosion of sound. “Hello, Karkat.”

He did not squeak. He did not flush bright red at the voice of someone who was most definitely female. And he most certainly didn’t bury his face in his hands as he recognized Kanaya as she stepped out of the transportalizer. Well, wasn’t that just fucking perfect. One of the few people on this miserable space rock who didn’t think he had completely flipped his lid, and he had gone and shouted at her about shitty movies from another universe.

“HI, KANAYA,” he mumbled, raising his head from his hands (his fingernails needed a trim, holy shit) and giving her an awkward wave. Maybe there was a chance she wasn’t repulsed by his blinding idiocy. 

Apparently not, as Karkat saw her stalking toward him. Stalking wasn’t generally a word that he associated with his close friend, who was usually so poised and elegant. But there was something of the predator in her movements, in the way her smile curved like she had found a new piece of prey that was particularly appealing. For the first time in recent memory, her glow was shut off, letting her natural grey show through.

When Kanaya responded, her voice was a throaty purr, so different from her usual clipped speech. “Hello.” Before Karkat could respond, she stepped close to him and pecked him on the cheek.

He froze.

“AH, UH…” While not unprecedented by his knowledge, such behavior was reserved for matesprits and close moirails. Karkat was very obviously neither of those with Kanaya. Thus, her behavior was extremely confusing. Especially because she was nuzzling up to him, holy fuck, where the hell was Lalonde in this situation, what the hell is she DOING. 

Oh, my. Kanaya’s lips had begun brushing over his neck in an entirely foreign way. Each pass of her black lips sent a thrill of sensation down his spine in a way that made him shudder. It was completely new, but in an absolutely amazing way. Still, didn’t she have a fucking matesprit, or whatever the word humans used for their weird relationships? What the hell kind of polyquadrant games was she playing?

“AH, WHOA, KANAYA. HANG ON!” Despite his protests, she didn’t slow down or back off. Indeed, she went at him harder, pressing her lips against his neck and feeling his pulse beneath her mouth. The new feelings raced through him in earnest, lighting his nerves afire with new heat. A low wail came from his mouth as he fought between giving in and demanding to know what in the actual fuck she was doing. The noise continued until he felt something warm and wet slide against his taut skin.

His eyes went blank, a loud exhalation coming from his lips as his head lolled to the side. Whatever Kanaya was doing, it felt fantastic. Didn’t he deserve to feel good for once? Since the game began, he hadn’t had a moment to do anything for himself. Here was Kanaya, actively doing…something…that made him feel great. Maybe, for once, he could let go of his tension. Maybe, for once in his looking to be short life, he could live in the moment.

Karkat brought his hands up to Kanaya’s arms, pulling her closer to his body. He stammered out some unintelligible words as he surrendered to the sensations rapidly taking command of his think pan. Everything just felt so good, so incredibly new and fresh and amazing. A rumble began deep in his chest, the deep purr filling the air as his hands stroked along Kanaya’s arm. Karkat felt her change positions slightly, and he had no objections, even when her tongue flicked over one of his main arteries.

“Don’t let her trick you, she’s going to bite.”

Karkat froze.

God. Damn. It.

He turned his head. The Rose human was standing there, with her arms crossed and the hint of a smile on her face. Karkat realized that he had been far too immersed in what Kanaya was doing to be aware of anything else. Mentally, he berated himself – again – for being an idiot who never should have survived the game.

“WHAT.” Even as he responded to Rose, Kanaya didn’t cease her attentions. There was only the slightest hint of a smile on her lips as she pressed them to his neck yet again. Karkat shook his head. There was no way Kanaya would do that to him, even though she was now a rainbow drinker and regularly tapped Rose for blood infusions.

Oh.

Idiot.

Before he could push her away, Kanaya had locked her arms against Karkat’s body. Her jaw opened, exposing twin points that gleamed in the fluorescent lights. 

“ACK!”

With a barely audible moan, she sunk her fangs into his neck, creating two holes in his skin. Almost immediately, his blood began trickling past her fangs and past her lips. Her tongue lapped over the twin holes, ensuring that she drank in every drop of Karkat’s candy red blood. She shuddered against him, apparently finding the taste of his mutant color agreeable. 

For his part, Karkat was stock still. He didn’t know what the fuck to do. Do you stop her from drinking your blood? But what if she needed it? It didn’t feel bad. It mostly just felt really, really uncomfortable. Maybe Kanaya should ask permission next time. 

Karkat sighed. He realized that he was already thinking about this in terms of a “next time.” In spite of the blood draining going on, everything before that had been wonderful.

He made eye contact with Rose, quite possibly the most awkward eye contact in the history of paradox space. For him, anyway. She wore a full smirk plastered across her face. As he looked at her, she mouthed the words, “I told you so.”

**Author's Note:**

> So ends that nightmare. If Tumblr user yummytomatoes wants to sue me over this, I will happily let her.


End file.
